Stories of Healing & Survival With Sumiyah Mshaka, Dania Alkhouli, and Neda.

What conversation should we be having on domestic violence? 

That is the question that begins this week’s episode. 

This week’s episode brings you a panel discussion on domestic violence, stories of Healing & Survival. 

My panelists are Sumiyah Mshaka, Dania Alkhouli, and Neda. 

Each guest brings their unique insights, story, and experience to this important conversation. 

Together, we discussed the misconceptions, myths and misinformation that surround domestic violence. 

We also explored ways to support and be there for someone who is currently experiencing domestic violence or is a survivor. 

I am grateful to Sumiyah, Dania, and Neda for sharing their stories and journeys with us on this week’s episode. 

A theme that arose during the panel discussion was that, even though it may be difficult, is important we have this conversation.

About My Guests: 

Sumiyah Mshaka is a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) and group fitness instructor who comes from a family with a legacy of social justice work. After graduating from the UCLA MSW program in 2004, Sumiyah began her extensive career in social work specializing in mental health treatment and advocacy for youth in the foster care and juvenile justice systems. Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, Sumiyah taught kickboxing and strength training classes at 24 Hour Fitness for 7 years. She recently started her own online fitness business featuring live virtual fitness classes, 722 Sweat Mvmt. You can follow Sumiyah on IG - https://www.instagram.com/turbosumiyah

Neda is a nurse practitioner in Los Angeles. She does primarily reproductive and prenatal care, and is covid testing all day every day. When she isn’t in the clinic, she’s on the pole doing strong woman things. You can follow Neda on IG - https://www.instagram.com/hijabiluscious/

Dania Ayah Alkhouli is a Syrian writer, blogger, poet, editor, and author. Dania’s work centers on feminism, mental health, sexuality, identity, culture, religion, her war-torn homeland, Syria, and on grief, loss, and death. She has been featured on Buzzfeed and Jubilee Media, and has performed across national venues such as Da Poetry Lounge in Los Angeles, House Slam in Boston, and Busboys & Poets in D.C. You can follow her on IG at @lady_narrator and @acountrycalledsyria.

If you are looking for resources or support on Domestic Violence you can visit https://www.thehotline.org/. 

The disclaimer on the website shares: 

“Internet usage can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely. If you’re concerned your internet usage might be monitored, call us at 800.799.SAFE (7233). Learn more about digital security and remember to clear your browser history after visiting https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/internet-safety/.”

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7 Negotiation Strategies (That Build Relationships & Get You Your Yes)

Whenever I play the “what superpower would you pick” game - my answer is always: to speak every language in existence.

If I could choose a superpower it would be to speak every language in existence.

Imagine being able to effectively communicate with every single person on the planet.

This usually sets me up nicely for the joke, “well Tom, you can barely effectively communicate in English, why don’t you start there.”

Cue the laughter. 

Whether you are a marketer, activist, creative, educator or you’re just living your daily life - the ability to communicate with influence has a huge impact on our lives.

Negation is a particular form of communication that carries a lot of stress, and sometimes even baggage.

Usually you’re negotiating in stressful situations, and for many people it may even feel that you are in an unbalanced relationship within the negotiation.

While the ability to negotiate is such a crucial skill, most of us are never given any formal training in negotiation.

At the heart of negotiation is empathy, active listening and relationship building.

This is certainly contrary to the stereotype of what we think of when we think of negotiations.

Another misconception is that the tools of negotiation aren’t particularly complex or tricky.

Like all things they do require practice to hone your skill but the concepts can be grasped fairly quickly.

On this week's episode, we are going to explore 7 core negotiation strategies. 

This episode originally aired a few years ago. 

And so, I can share that I’ve received many emails from folks on how this episode really had a huge impact on their lives.

We’re going to explore ways to use negation beyond business as well as within your personal life and relationships.

I’d love to know what your biggest takeaway is! 

Enjoy! 

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New Year. Who are you?

Do our behaviors influence our identity? Or does our identity influence our behavior?  

And how do thoughts and feelings play into the mix? 

Here’s what we can say for sure - self-awareness is powerful.

As we begin this new year, I invite you to start with this question: who are you? 

What are the ideals you are going to live by this year? 

When you’re stressed, your moral compass is challenged, and your energy is low, what ethos is going to sustain you? 

On this week’s episode, we walk through specifically designed exercises that are intended to help you create a vision for who you want to be. 

We’ll start by constructing the mottos and ideals that make up your best self. 

For example, here are three of my ethos I live by:

Courage Over Fear. 

Creativity Over Regurgitation. 

Consistency Over Perfection.

Don’t let this be one of those things you bookmark and never return to. 

Allow yourself the gift of intention today. 

It will provide the foundation for you to cultivate your best self. 

Let’s do this. 

Hit play.

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5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before the New Year

How often do you intentionally reflect upon your day?

Life has a way of rushing by without allowing us time to reflect.  

And yet, it is in that reflection that we are able to gain perspective: to notice patterns, behaviors, and feelings that shape our lives. 

That very perspective is what allows us to become self-aware and intentional in how we live our lives. 

The start of a New Year provides a great collective opportunity to ask ourselves big questions. 

So this week’s episode provides 5 reflection questions you can ask yourself to close this year and start the New Year from a place of empowerment. 

When we stop and pause, we often discover new treasures:

Experiences, people, things, moments that we are grateful for – and, at the same time, ways we can embrace our badass selves a little more boldly and deeply. 

As you go through this week’s episode, I’d love to hear about your discoveries.  

If you’re feeling generous, please share with me some of your notes or the answers you find. 

Do yourself this favor. 

Gift yourself this time. 

Let’s do it. 

Hit play. 

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Courageous Self Love Revisited

Have you ever headed out the door only to realize you can’t find your keys?

Now, be honest. Did you ever search high and low for your keys, glasses, phone, etc. – only to discover they were in your pocket, purse, or backpack? 

That you were looking everywhere for something that you actually had all along? 

Just the other day I was looking for my glasses only to realize, “oh wait – I’m wearing them.”

You may have heard myself or my guests say that the answers you seek are already within you.

The power within us goes unnoticed and therefore, underutilized until we recognize it is within us. 

Let’s take self-love for example. 

You – I – we – are already worthy of love.  

We are already whole, complete, and powerful. We are miracles. 

And yet, how often do we find ourselves “hustling for our worthiness,” as Brene Brown puts it. 

How often do we find ourselves in that place of guilt, shame, anxiety, or feeling that sense of loss - all stemming from our belief that we must do more in order to be worthy. 

The indisputable fact that we are already worthy is lost on us – which is why we need to recognize its intrinsic nature. 

That’s why this week’s episode is dedicated to providing practical steps towards embracing self-love.  

This episode originally aired at the end of 2017, and revisiting it is a perfect way to end 2020. 

If you listened to it when it first aired, I invite you to walk this path once again. 

If it is your first time, get ready for the ride.

Gift yourself this time of reflection. 

Here we go. 

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What is Islam to You? A Roundtable Discussion

“You’re Muslim? Really?” This is a question I’ve been asked many times by both Muslims and non-Muslims. 

Usually, shock and raised eyebrows accompany the question. 

Sometimes, it’s also accompanied by a clenched fist of anger and a feeling of betrayal, with an undertone of, “I thought you were one of us” permeating the question. 

It’s fair to say that in the American mindset, there is a dominant image that we picture when we are prompted to envision a Muslim. 

For the most part, that picture isn’t of a white guy named Tom hailing from a small rural town in Wisconsin. 

In fact, if we were to continue down Stereotype Road, the white guy named Tom socialized in a small rural American town would be the one voting for politicians who want to ban Islam. 

Accordingly, given my background, there has been some curiosity as to how I embraced Islam.  

Over the years, I have been asked to be a part of a few “viral” videos that explore the Muslim American identity. 

Each time these videos were released, I was gifted an opportunity to receive massive feedback on the deeper implications of “Meet a Muslim” type videos. 

One takeaway, for me, has been this: 

While my story has elements of it that are rich and unique, I also have many social advantages that my fellow Muslims may not. Therefore, there is a real danger that my story is continually elevated over that of other Muslims. 

We all have something beautiful and powerful to contribute in the telling of our own stories. 

Each time we listen to one another’s stories, it allows us an opportunity to see the world through someone else’s eyes. 

I believe this is one of the first seeds of empathy. 

This isn’t to discount or minimize my own story: but I do believe that when my story becomes a focal point, we lose sight of the richness of Muslim American experience. 

Whenever I am asked to share my experience as a Muslim American – these thoughts occupy my mind as I consider my participation. 

Which is why, when my good friend, Chris, asked me if he could interview me about being Muslim, I paused to consider first. 

After thinking, I said, “yes, and”: 

1. Let’s do a roundtable where you ask other Muslims about their experiences too. 

2. I’ll record the conversation and share it with my podcast listeners. 

He gave an enthusiastic green light to both ideas.

This was decided at 10AM. The interview was scheduled for 2PM that very same day. 

Over the next 4 hours, I sent out texts and DMs to my friends asking if they were free at 2PM and if they’d like to be a part of the roundtable. 

I am grateful to the guests who agreed to chat with Chris and me on such short notice, and with minimal detail and direction. 

Please accept my sincere apologies in advance if you feel your voice is absent from this conversation. Islam has an incredibly diverse following, and I could never do that diversity justice in a one-hour episode.

Now, this may go on the record books as the longest podcast writeup in the history of Tom Earl podcast writeups, so I’ll end it here, but:

My friends – do yourself this favor. 

Hit play on this one. 

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Give Closure to 2020 & Intentionally Start 2021

2020, right? Wow.  I could probably start every episode writeup this way and get away with it. 

Here’s the thing - I bet if we took the time - there is a lot we can get out of reflecting on 2020. 

The intention of this week’s episode is to provide you with the time, space, and process to do so. 

This episode also acts as a time capsule. 

1 year ago I sat down with a group of my friends and we went through a writing workshop to get clear on our intentions for 2020. 

Little did we know…

And yet - no matter what surprises and worldwide pandemics the future will hold - getting intentional first offers us a foundation to stand on. 

That is why I’m bringing this episode back to life as a replay for you this week. 

First and foremost it gives me the opportunity to go through this writing workshop myself and create closure for 2020, while also giving life to 2021. 

Secondly, I hope it allows you to do the same. 

Even if you don’t have time to sit down and write as you listen - you’ll still get a lot out of going through the writing prompts mentally. 

If you don’t take the time now - 2020 is going to be done and dusted before we even know it. 

Please - give yourself the gift of reflection by going through this episode. 

Do yourself that favor. 

Hit play. 

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Moving Beyond Fear and Embracing your Experience With Nurjahan Boulden

What fear have you been carrying that you are ready to set down?

What would it look like to move beyond fear and embrace your experiences?  

This week’s episode provides a bold and courageous reflection on these questions. 

My guest, Nurjahan Boulden, was 21 years old when she was shot with an assault rifle in an attack that killed the man next to her. 

That one night changed the trajectory of her life. 

Even as she moved on to become a teacher and mother of three, PTSD and complications from the bullet wound continually threatened her future. 

13 years later, she is now recognized as America’s leading coach for survivors of gun violence who are ready to Feel Safe Again™. 

Fear has been a companion of mine during 2020. I have a feeling I am not alone in this. 

Rather than numbing myself or hiding from it, I have made it a goal to confront, get to know, and investigate my fears. 

A significant part of that journey is listening to the stories, wisdom and reflections from others who are on that same path. 

This episode with Nurjahan is one that I listen to often when I need a reminder of the inner-power that I, and all of us, possess.

For the astute listener keeping track at home, you’ll note that this episode originally aired May 13, 2019. 

As I was re-listening to it this week, I knew that the messages and insights Nurjahan shares could really serve a lot of us at this very moment. 

Even if you distinctly remember listening to this episode when it first aired, I passionately urge you to give it a re-listen. 

The experiences you have gained over the past 1.5 years will allow you to gain new gifts as you re-listen. 

Trust me. 

Do yourself this favor of hitting play. 

Thank you, Nurjahan, for sharing such a vulnerable, authentic, and empowering interview. 

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Coloring and Conversations With Antoinette Chanel

Have you heard that coloring can reduce stress and anxiety? 

When I listen in on conference calls, I often find myself coloring. 

This helps me stay focused, and allows me to really concentrate. 

So when my awesome friend, Antoinette Chanel, shared with me that she’d like to color together while having a conversation, I was all in. 

In early 2020, before the pandemic, before my daughter arrived, and before the many, many other things that happened this year…

...we did just that.  

We sat down for a conversation while coloring. 

It was amazing – and listening back to our chat was like looking into a fun time capsule. I got a glimpse into where my mind was at during this time in my life. 

Antoinette and I talked about relationships, business, politics, life, and a ton of other topics. If any of these draw you in, you’re going to like this episode.

Antoinette Chanel is a powerful storyteller, educator, and podcaster. With a unique background that includes over a decade of work in higher education, marketing, and public relations, Antoinette can translate, map out, and put in motion tangible plans to help you and your organization reach its goals. 

She is the founder of the podcast the Midday Reset (@themiddayreset), which she created to offer something uplifting and relatable to people with mental illness, specifically anxiety. She is also an educator and public speaker and is currently developing a workshop series to empower dark-skinned women and girls to redefine beauty for themselves.

This is a really great episode where you get to see me switch hats and be interviewed by someone I really admire and appreciate. 

Pull out something to color with.

And then hit play! 

You can get in touch with Antoinette on IG @msantoinettechanel or themdrpodcast@gmail.com, and purchase her book here: Amazon.com

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Honor Your Feelings With Dinah

Loneliness is at an epidemic level in this country right now. 

This isn’t hyperbole. Multiple studies have confirmed that Americans feel more isolated than ever. 

And this was BEFORE our lives and the way we interact with each other was uprooted by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Even before the masks, sheltering in place, and virtual birthday celebrations became the norm…

...we as a society were struggling to connect with each other. 

Given this reality, it makes sense that my most popular episodes in 2019 & 2020 were those that were centered on mental health. 

This week’s episode centers on feelings. 

Honoring our feelings. 

Expressing our feelings. 

Regulating our feelings. 

Processing our feelings. 

Our guest, Dinah, has worked for over 13 years in the fields of health, social work, counseling, and education, and is the founder of a nonprofit organization targeting the issue of sex trafficking.

She has extensive training and experience in the field of restorative practices, and has worked to help schools adopt a trauma-informed approach at the student, staff and organizational level.  

She currently works for a university in Los Angeles, where she creates trauma-informed curriculum and trains service providers in Los Angeles County to provide trauma-informed care to the clients/students they serve.

I’ve played back so many moments from this week’s interview in my head, over and over again.

I also had to note down a lot of the wisdom that Dinah shared with me. 

For example, she emphasized that our behavior is communication.

This blew my mind.  

The follow-up questions and conversations that came out of that took my understanding of mental health to a whole new level. 

I’m telling you, this episode is so important. 

Do yourself the favor. 

Hit play. 

To learn more about Dinah, head to her Instagram @dinahmsw

or website

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